I am the next American Idol

I don't believe I've got the time in my TV schedule to watch much American Idol this year, but with the upcoming season beginning this month, I figured I'd record some thoughts about the show that's not too worried about the present writer's strike. American Idol has taken the guess work out of selling records as well as advertising space, and the verdict is in, people love it that way. I’m referring to the contribution American Idol has made to television and music. In September of 2006 I decided to take a first hand look at the audition process. Why not? I was only eligible for one last year, I needed a break from work, and well… I was curious. A friend of mine and I took off to Seattle to see what we could see. We ran into a bunch of other people with Utah ties, people with the same curiosity as us, and a bunch of weird people that were putting all they had into this talent lottery. We had plenty of time to get to know people in line. We met two mother/daughter combinations, an odd personal trainer (do all personal trainers have nothing else to talk about than personal training?), and a couple Seattle grown LDS youth. The process begins for everyone in a long line. I didn’t stay past the initial audition phase, but I was able to observe plenty. The process seems so simple that it is amazing it took this long to figure it out. Here goes. First, tour 5 or 6 large cities and hold massive auditions within football arenas, or event centers—the more people the better. Next, have a team of 20-or-so producers select a diverse range of contestants from each city. Don’t worry what they sound like as long as they can make a sound, focus on their look and if they have the coveted “X-factor.” Following that you need to make sure that each passing contestant understands what they are to do before any cameras begin rolling and long before they’ll perform in front of the three infamous judges: say that they are “the next American Idol”, argue or cry with any critical judgment, and say, sing, or do anything they are told. The next behind-the-scenes step may take a while, but just follow the original American Idol episode recipe and you should be able to spit out plenty of material to kick off the season. Next step, take all of the people that you think will make a good TV show and pass them on to the next phase. Remember, choose people with plenty of feelings, ego, attitude, and maybe even a shady past—Good and not-so-good singing aren’t enough, we’ll need to create some drama! Now that you have plenty of people to choose from you’ll need to select 24 individuals to actually compete. Make sure you have 12 boys and 12 girls, make sure there is a wide range of nationality and race, make sure that you’ve got different target markets covered as well (ie: hip-hop, country, rock, etc…). Once you get to that point you’re done. Home free. Turn on the cameras and watch three celebrity judges and a quirky host talk bluntly about what they see (make sure one of them is crazy and that one is British). Let established musicians play along as well. Have them hold clinics with the contestants, and in return they can plug their new CD to a huge television audience. Let people vote and they’ll not only decide ultimately who wins the competition, but their voting will play out as a gigantic focus group about music. By looking over the voting results each week you would be able to determine who for the most part is watching your show geographically, demographically, and psycho-graphically. Advertisers will love you for doing all that work for them. It will make their job much easier. Week after week you’ll get this helpful information and people will gladly give it to you for nothing in return. Once all the voting rounds are through give the winner a huge contract. Why not? He/She has already proven to be able to get people to pick up their phones plenty of times, you can bet on a good portion of them to take out their wallets as well. There you have it. You're done. Now count all the money you’ve made. I love the American Idol for that reason alone; its producers get so much in return for giving their audience the opportunity to audition, compete, and to vote—at least make them believe that it is all up to them to decide the winner. Americans love to see people’s dreams come true as well. We love to see people run into a ton of money, see how they spend it, and wait to see if success ruins them in the end.